Tag Archives: divorce help

Happy Un-Anniversary!

woman with balloons 2

We celebrated our first anniversary with balloons, romantic cards, a lovely dinner and freezer burnt wedding cake. It had been a rough year with lots of adjustments but I thought that we’d hurdled the challenges and were ready to embark on our happily ever after. But, my life wasn’t a fairy tale and when my second anniversary rolled around, my husband didn’t come home with flowers. Instead, he came home to tell me that our marriage was over. I fought for my marriage but I was on a sinking ship and eventually my only option was to swim for shore. A year and a half later, I filed for divorce.
After my divorce, I started celebrating my un-anniversary. Every year, on the day I was married, I think back to the girl who was filled with hope as she said her wedding vows on a pier overlooking the ocean in the Bahamas. Then I think about the girl who collapsed on the floor of the shower two years later when her husband told her that their marriage was over yet he didn’t have the courage to truly end it. And then I think about the woman who emerged from her divorce with more strength and grace than she ever knew she possessed. And it’s that woman that I choose to celebrate. Happy Un-Anniversary to me!

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When Does the Pain of Divorce Stop?

Written by Karen Jerabek

flower in sidewalk crack

People going through divorce ask me all the time, when does the pain stop? My pain was so intense that I thought I could die but somehow didn’t. It seemed unrealistic to ever think of a time when I wouldn’t carry this pain with me. But, as the days and weeks and months went by, the pain lifted slowly, piece by piece. Then one day I realized, there was none left. It took me by surprise and the new found liberation was something I rejoiced. So, as I was thinking about how to answer this question, I came across this beautifully written piece by an unknown author that sums it up perfectly. I can’t tell you the specific how, why or when the pain stops, but I can tell you that it does. The pain does stop. And if you allow it, you will find happiness and joy again.

The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.

The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it’s hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.

The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can’t count on their arms for comfort.

The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.

The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it’s like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.

The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.

The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.

The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.

The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don’t know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.

The Pain Stops: When you are ready